be it forever

Some random thoughts, been asking myself will I really able to pretend nothing happened and joke about it everytime? The feeling really suck max, or rather numb of it. I know it’s not your fault at all but who can I blame? Myself? No right, I can’t even show my unhappiness at all. When can all these msg things stop? I hate myself because I can’t do anything about it. I wonder why am I in this world so meaningless so useless I sucks in everything. I felt Im wearing a happy mask everything I seem to avoiding something i don’t wish to face. I hate being left alone i tend to think a lot and thats the time when I have to realize something that I not supposed to know. Wished that I am a simple minded person guess there’s always something better to be left unknown. Think i know too much things that I hope I will never know. Is so sufferin I have to fight with my inner pretending like there’s nothing happen and smile pretending I’m okay with everything or am i really okay with anything. Guess i can’t find my true self, my mask is winning is covering myself. Need to sort out my own feeling. O well I typing a passage of rubbish goodnight

2am